#8 God's Love

Alison's Story - 1960

My siblings and I grew up on our parents' working farm.  I was second born of the six children. Idle hands had no place in our home, my parents instilling honesty, a good work ethic and a reverent fear of God in all of us. Our family regularly attended the local Methodist church, and I believed I was a Christian. Life changed for me when I left home at the age of 18 to attend Teachers College in Sydney.

Leaving family and friends to move to the city, I found life very different; I no longer lived with a sense of belonging to any community. I met new friends and started to attend parties on weekends. But I did not see the benefit of these parties, weighing up the cost of travel against my observation of alcohol-infused conversation and boys coming on too strong. This social scene was short-lived for me; I preferred to spend time in my own company. 

My education was also expanding my world view. I listened to a science program on space and all that was being discovered. This knowledge overwhelmed me. I tried to accept God’s love as the creating force of it all, but I couldn’t reconcile my growing knowledge of the world with my Christian beliefs. It was too much. I lost my faith in my Sovereign God.

So what did I believe in its place? What about Jesus?  I understood the moral wisdom of what Moses and Jesus taught for living in community. I decided to live out this morality, but that was all - without faith in God.

I occasionally attended various churches, just to spend time within a familiar culture, but I would arrive right on time and leave part way through the final hymn to ensure no real connection was made with the community. I would listen to the minister, seeking evidence to validate the moral, Godless stance I had taken. I was socially lost and alone. I felt unloved.

About a year after moving to Sydney, I found myself standing in a park and began thinking about my life, my childhood faith, and my lack of real community. The folk I admired and trusted, they all had faith. Maybe I was wrong! I decided to make one last prayer. If God existed, I would be heard. If not, it didn’t matter. I shut my eyes and said, “God, if you exist, please reveal yourself to me.” I then went on my way, continuing my day-to-day responsibilities. I did not speak to God again.

Months later, on a misty Saturday, I decided I wanted to enjoy the sweet smell of damp soil. This was hard to find in the city. I put on my raincoat and went to the botanical gardens. I was alone and aware that no one knew where I was. In the silence, as I was enjoying the sweet earthy aroma, I heard a deep resonant voice behind me, “Alison!” I whirled around but nobody was there. The voice continued, “You are loved!” I said, “Is that You God?”

In the silence that followed, I sensed being gently cocooned in God’s love. He was here, He loved me and He knew me by name. Then I wondered, “But, what about everyone else?”.

In the silence, a vision appeared before me, overlaying my view of the park, as though I was seeing a giant, live screening in front of me.

I saw a busy city street, sloping downhill then uphill, businesses to the right, and road traffic to the left. The traffic was filled with the sound of honking horns, as though their bellowing would hurry the flow. There were many people in the street, hastily moving through their day; a mum pushing a pram, school children in uniform, businessmen in suits, shoppers with shopping bags, and, in contrast, a homeless man huddled up under blankets with a begging bowl; people living in all walks of life. I then noticed every person was surrounded by a soft transparent golden glow. The vision then vanished.

I realised the glow was God’s love made visible, and He chose to surround each person with His love, as they were, where they were.

I travelled back to my boarding house, as though floating the whole way home. I had received the answer to my prayer - God did exist, and He loved everyone without exception.

My faith was resurrected but came from a new viewpoint. I no longer felt the guilt I had gained through my childhood Christian teachings, instead I saw God through love. I slowly regained my understanding of God and church, and returned to regular Sunday worship, fellowship with other Christians, and belonging to a community.

I am now in my 80s, many years have passed. Over my lifetime, I have often drawn perspective and comfort from this vision. I had asked God, “God, if you exist, please reveal Yourself to me.” His response was to call me by name and tell me I was loved. And then to show me He felt the same about each one of us, exactly as we are. This was much of what Jesus’ teaching was about when He was here on earth. He loved all people as He found them, as they reached out to Him, including people others had ostracised. Over the years when a person has done something wrong by me, with intent or by accident, I have recalled this vision to help me let go of my resentment, remembering what God had taught me. I had seen how God loved people as they were, and I knew this was where my heart needed to rest.

Prayer

God, if you exist, please reveal yourself to me. Amen.

Psalm 139:23 Search me, O Lord, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. Point out anything in me that offends you, and lead me along the path of everlasting life. Amen.

God’s Word

Genesis 1:27, 28a, 31a

God created man in his own image. In God’s image he created him; male and female he created them.

God blessed them.

God saw everything that he had made, and, behold, it was very good.

Psalm 145:9

Yahweh is good to all. His tender mercies are over all his works.  

I John 4:7, 15, 18, 19

Beloved, let’s love one another, for love is of God;

Whoever confesses that Jesus is the Son of God, God remains in him, and he in God.

There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear, because fear has punishment. He who fears is not made perfect in love.

We love him, because he first loved us.

John 3:16

For God so loved the world, that he gave his only born Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish, but have eternal life.