#7 Rebirth - Part 1

Image: South Gorge Beach, Stradbroke Island. Photo credit: Susanna.

(1997) God is alive, powerful and He has sovereign authority over all of creation, including all creation beyond our world. He is loving, gracious and faithful. And He rescues.

We are called to be a witness, and today I share one of my witness accounts of the Lord of miracles.

I came from a mostly loving home, but there were some imperfections. I found joy in my friendships but following a complex social situation I felt I had nowhere to turn, so I left home at the age of 16 and I ran as fast as I could without looking back. I kept running for years, trying to outrun my pain and confusion, rather than finding ways to heal. What that looked like for the next 10 years was living in 20 houses plus couch surfing my way through a few more. I held employment continuously, but changed jobs often, with over 30 jobs in that same time period. I did manage to complete a Bachelor Degree, but remained underemployed. My high achieving days of school were behind me. To my friends I appeared happy, always with a smile on my face. I was quick to accept all people and forgive others, but I did not extend that same grace towards myself. I was barely surviving whilst watching my friends develop and move onward and upward in life.

Over those years, I had no knowledge of Father God or His spiritual laws, and no understanding of the consequences my experiences and behaviours brought into my life. So, I was unaware of the cause or depth of the mess I was in.

By the age of 25, my spirit and mind could no longer sustain my fast, toxic lifestyle. I thought I was fully in control of my life, till one day, all at once, I became aware of my lifestyle and habits having full control of me.

Ephesians 4:27 warns us not to give the devil a foothold. At the time, being agnostic, I did not realise I had created many footholds for him to get a grip of my life, and I was burdened beyond what I could bear. I was completely bound, unemployed, unemployable, and homeless, again. I had finally come to the end of myself; I had no strength in me to run any more.

So at the age of 25 in the depths of despair, I was taken in by a kind friend who was house sitting at his parents’ house. He had moved back home for three months whilst they were away on mission, whatever that meant. Although his parents were missionaries, my friend led a lifestyle more like mine, led only by himself; he was also one of my more reliable drug suppliers.

Whilst staying in this home, I happened to pick up and read a random book from his parents’ bookshelf; a short testimonial.  With a clear focus, I finished it in three nights and immediately accepted some new truths. An orderly world existed beyond what I could see, Father God was real and He had purpose for my life, and my position was to be reverently thankful to Him as He had the power and will to make good out of every event, the good and the bad. Resting in this new knowledge, I slowed my mind to consider my life with fresh eyes.

I pinpointed a specific traumatic event from my younger years, as the moment that despair moved in and enveloped me, and evicted all hope. Instead of reviewing the memory with defeat and grief, I felt only gratitude, love, respect and trust towards God.

Five minutes after finishing the book, I said my first adult prayer in one, short sentence.

I turned to Father God and surrendered all control of my life to Him, thanking Him wholeheartedly for the trauma I experienced years earlier. In that moment, I fully believed and trusted Father God’s sovereignty, appreciating my grievous experience as a purposeful blessing for me, and knew the God of all love would make good from it.

I wasn't sure of what a reply from God looked like, but I was soon to find out.

Upon my Amen, God immediately showed up!

Whilst I lay in my bed, Father God opened my spiritual eyes and I saw thick golden oil pouring into my being through the top of my head, filling me to overflowing. The thick, golden oil poured through me and flowed out through my fingertips and toes. As the oil flowed through my body, I could feel the pain that my spirit and body had been storing over the years being washed away as my body released the tensions. The inflow and outflow of the oil was rinsing me clean with ease, like a glass being rinsed at the kitchen sink. It was as though my soiled self was disappearing down the drain, out of sight and gone. In an instant, my mind, spirit and body had been changed, healed, never to be the same. God had rinsed me clean, washing away my past, giving me a fresh start in life. I would later understand this was the moment I had been born again. But at the time, I had no words to make sense of it all. What I did understand was that I had been given a second shot at life by a loving Creator God who I had met a minute ago.

The next night, as soon as I turned out the light and stood in the dark next to my bed, God’s presence filled my room. Before me I saw a silhouette in human form with pure white light radiating from every part of Him. He shone life, purity, reverence, brilliance and peace. He revealed to me the existence of a kingdom beyond this world, and His ability to move between the two as He pleased. He showed me that He held supreme power and authority in this kingdom. Despite his power, I was struck by his humility, he had a gentleness unlike anyone I had ever met. 

On the third night, when I turned out the light and lay my head on my pillow, the same figure stood beside my bed, filling my room with His glory. I looked up at Him from my bed, opened and closed my eyes multiple times, but he remained, silent this time. I eventually asked him, What do you want? The only thing He said to me that night was, I will never leave you. This all-powerful figure, the Sovereign Authority of a Kingdom beyond ours, the God of Love, was my new best friend and would never leave me. For the first time in decades, I felt truly safe. I fell asleep peacefully.

Until this moment, the strongest powers I had experienced in life were shame, fear, despair, hopelessness and loneliness. I had tried to outrun them, reason myself out of them, ignore them, and smother them with lifestyle choices. But nothing could overpower their grip on my life. Over the years, all my best laid plans had been pulled out from under me by their presence, power and undercurrent pull. But now I knew of a higher power, Father God. And turning my fully surrendered heart of gratitude towards Him, had evicted shame and despair and all their friends forever. Instead I was filled with love, peace, joy, grace, belonging and freedom.

Imagine all that, not knowing God only three nights earlier. As awesome as it was, I had no words to explain or share my experience with anyone.

Titus 3:3-6 sums up those three nights: For we were also once foolish, disobedient, deceived, serving various lusts and pleasures, living in malice and envy, hateful, and hating one another. But when the kindness of God our Saviour and his love toward mankind appeared, not by works of righteousness which we did ourselves, but according to his mercy, he saved us through the washing of regeneration and renewing by the Holy Spirit, whom he poured out on us richly through Jesus Christ our Saviour.

I now have access to the Bible to make sense of what had occurred, but at the time I had not read the Bible nor been to church, apart from my annual visit to my grandmothers’ house during my very young years. So that three-night encounter started me on my journey to discover the identity of this all powerful, all loving God.

I had known Christians over the years, and none had spoken of a living, impacting God like this one, so I did not bother looking into Christianity.

As I listened to and followed the Spirit, He abundantly blessed me, establishing my life, giving me a clear mind and good health, providing me a husband, a stable home, and stable employment. But the great mystery of God’s name and religious affiliation remained unanswered. Whilst I was devout in my personal relationship with Him, I simply knew Him as the God of Love.

Long story short, eighteen months after this three-night encounter, two weeks after I was married, I identified Jesus as my living God, much to my surprise, and declared Him as the one who had saved me. I was baptised at the beach, and then started attending a local Christian church, which I have continued to do for 28 years (four different churches in that time). In church I was introduced to His living voice through the Christian Bible, a much faster means of hearing His voice than discerning His Spirit alone.

With hindsight and the use of the Bible, I realised I was given the gift of spiritual discernment on that first night, changing my view of the world forever. Note that spiritual gifts are most effective and reliable when saturated in prayer, supported by extensive Bible knowledge and used in a team.

The scriptures that I first set my spiritual foundation on were Matthew 6:33, But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you. This scripture kept my ego and fear out of the drivers seat of my life pursuit, keeping my focus and goals on kingdom values and riches, with no regard for worldly distraction or success.

Galatians 5:22-23, But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self control; against such things there is no law. This scripture greatly assisted with the discernment of spirits. The tongue of love and evil can speak convincing words and equally try to attract our attention, but their heart, the impression they leave on our hearts, declares their true identity. When God speaks, He will always deposit the fruit of His Spirit into all our being, without doubt, worry, fear, condemnation or appeal to our ego.

Whilst God has maintained a presence in my life as retold in the pages of this blog site, He has not appeared to me quite so vividly since, but He doesn’t have to. God made His point clear to me over those three nights. At that time I was on the final step before the backdoor of life, so He needed to leave no room for doubt, to enable me to take His hand and follow Him with all my heart and mind. He opened my eyes to the truth of His existence, the sovereignty of His authority, the depth of His love for me, and the power of His gracious forgiveness to transform a life in an instant.

Twenty-eight years later, He has kept His promise and never left me. He leads me by His grace, loving me despite my brokenness, and forgiving my imperfections and mistakes. He enables me to be part of His family despite my social nerves, and reveals His truth to me, often leaving me awestruck and speechless.

The healing and knowledge that God gifted me over those first three nights, and since, is not possible except through His power, grace, authority, and love.  I do not deserve any of it, but Jesus saw my worth when no one else would.  I am not special or different to anyone else. It is our worth in God that makes each of us special, and He loves each of us BIG time.  

God is alive, brothers and sisters, and He sustains all life. He calls His children where we are at.  

Have you reached the end of your search for God? Have you given Him up as fiction?

Have you never considered His existence, like me 28 years ago?

Do you believe in God’s comfort, but think your problems or disorders are too big for God or of little interest to Him?

Do you believe the powerful and merciful God of miracles that the Bible speaks of was only for Biblical times past?

God is the Great I Am, the same yesterday, today and tomorrow. Our belief in Him does not conjure Him into existence, He does and has always existed. Our belief draws us into a relationship with Him, enabling us to trust His love and wisdom to be sovereign over our lives. We can listen to Him, speak to Him, receive His love and follow His lead.

Can you humbly seek God more? He loves you so much. Can you forgive yourself and others, for we are all trying to work our lives out as best we can. Can we all seek less religion and rules, and more relationship with God and one another? Can we provide more generosity and kindness to others, and accumulate less personal wealth? Can we allow God’s truth to transform our hearts and minds, putting aside what we think we know, and replacing it with God’s timeless knowledge and wisdom found in the Bible? Can we let go of our hurts and trust Him to heal us?

Let’s pray

Matthew 6:9-13

Our Father in heaven, may your name be kept holy.

Let your Kingdom come, let your will be done on earth as it is in heaven.

Give us today our daily bread.

Forgive us our debts, as we also forgive our debtors.

Bring us not into temptation, but deliver us from the evil one.

For yours is the Kingdom, the power, and the glory forever. Amen.

Or another prayer.

Lord, please help me. Your love for me is pure, you know everything I have been through, and you love me. You know best and I trust your sovereignty and blessing over my life. Please come into my heart. Amen