#7 Rebirth

Image: South Gorge Breach, Stradbroke Island, photo credit Susanna.

(1997) God is alive, powerful and He has sovereign authority over all of creation, including all creation beyond our world. He is loving, gracious and faithful. And He rescues.

We are called to be a witness, and today I share one of my witness accounts of the Lord of miracles.

I came from a mostly loving home, but there were some imperfections. I left home at the age of 16 and I ran as fast as I could without looking back. I kept running for years, trying to outrun my pain and my guilt, rather than finding ways to heal. What that looked like over the next 10 years, was living in 20 houses plus couch surfing my way through a few more. I held employment continuously, but changed jobs often, with over 30 jobs in that same time period.  I did manage to complete a Bachelor Degree, but remained underemployed. My high achieving days of school were behind me, I was barely surviving whilst watching my friends develop and move onward and upward in life.

Over those years, I had no knowledge of Father God or His spiritual laws, and no understanding of the consequences my experiences and sinful behaviours brought into my life. So, I was unaware of the cause or depth of the mess I was in.

By the age of 25, my spirit and mind could no longer sustain my fast, toxic lifestyle. I thought I was fully in control of my life, till one day, all at once, I became aware that my lifestyle and habits had full control of me. Ephesians 4:27 warns us not to give the devil a foothold; in my ignorance, I had created many footholds for him to get a grip of my life, and I was burdened beyond what I could bear. I was completely bound, unemployed, unemployable, and homeless, again. I had finally come to the end of myself; I had no strength in me to run any more.

So at the age of 25 and in this deep despair, I was taken in by a kind friend at his parents’ house. He had moved back home for three months to house-sit whilst they were away on mission, whatever that meant. Although his parents were missionaries, my friend led a lifestyle more like mine, led only by himself; plus he was one of my more reliable drug suppliers.

Whilst staying in this home, I happened to pick up and read a random book from his parents’ bookshelf; a short testimonial.  I finished it in three nights and immediately accepted some new truths. Father God was real and He had purpose for my life; my position was to be reverently thankful as He would make good out of every event, the good and the bad. Resting in this new found knowledge, I slowed my mind to consider my life with fresh eyes.

I pinpointed a specific traumatic event from my younger years, as the moment that despair enveloped me, and evicted all hope. Instead of reviewing the memory with defeat and grief, I felt only gratitude and trust towards God.

I then said my first adult prayer in one, short sentence.

I turned to Father God and thanked Him wholeheartedly for the trauma I experienced years earlier. In that moment, I fully believed and trusted Father God’s sovereignty, appreciating my grievous experience as a purposeful blessing for me, and knew the God of all love would make good from it.

I wasn't sure of what a reply from God looked like, but I was soon to find out.

Instantly, upon my Amen, God immediately showed up!

Whilst I lay in my bed, Father God opened my spiritual eyes and I saw thick golden oil pouring into my being through the top of my head. He filled me to overflowing with His Spirit, and He healed me in an instant. The thick, golden oil poured through me and overflowed out through my fingertips and toes. The oil washed and healed the depths of my spirit and body, instantly. As the oil flowed through my body, I could feel the pain that my spirit and body had been storing over the years being washed away as my body released the tensions. The inflow and outflow of the oil was rinsing me clean with ease, like a glass being rinsed at the kitchen sink. It was as though my soiled self was disappearing down the drain, out of sight and gone. In an instant, my mind, spirit and body changed, never to be the same. I would later understand this was the moment I had been born again. But at the time, I had no words to make sense of it all.

The next night, God’s presence filled my room. Before me I saw a silhouette in human form with pure white light radiating from every part of Him. He shone life, purity, reverence, brilliance and holiness. He revealed to me the existence of a kingdom beyond this world, and His ability to move between the two as He pleased. He showed me that He held supreme power and authority in this kingdom. Despite his power, I observed him to be extremely humble, unlike any person I had known, and He existed as perfect love.

On the third night, when I turned out the light, the same figure stood before me, filling my room with His glory. I opened and closed my eyes multiple times but he remained, silent this time. I eventually asked him, What do you want? The only thing He said to me this night was, I will never leave you. This all-powerful figure, the Sovereign Authority over a kingdom beyond ours, the God of Love, was my new best friend and would never leave me. For the first time in decades, I felt truly safe.

Until this moment, the strongest powers I had experienced in life were despair, hopelessness and loneliness. I had tried to outrun them, talk myself out of them, ignore them, and smother them with lifestyle choices. But nothing could overpower their grasp over my life. But now I knew of a higher power, Father God. And turning my fully surrendered heart of gratitude towards Him, evicted despair, hopelessness and loneliness forever. Instead I was filled with love, peace, joy, belonging and freedom.

Imagine all that, being agnostic three nights earlier. I had no words to share it with anyone.

Titus 3:3-6 sums up those three nights: For we were also once foolish, disobedient, deceived, serving various lusts and pleasures, living in malice and envy, hateful, and hating one another. But when the kindness of God our Saviour and his love toward mankind appeared, not by works of righteousness which we did ourselves, but according to his mercy, he saved us through the washing of regeneration and renewing by the Holy Spirit, whom he poured out on us richly through Jesus Christ our Saviour:

I now have access to the Bible to make sense of what had occurred, but at the time I had not read the Bible nor been to church, apart from my annual visit to my grandmothers’ house during my very young years. So that three-night encounter started me on my journey to discover the identity of this all powerful, all loving God.

I had known Christians over the years, and none had spoken of a living, impacting God like this one, so I did not bother looking into Christianity.

As I listened to and followed the Spirit, He abundantly blessed me, establishing my life, giving me a clear mind and good health, providing me a husband, a stable home, and stable employment. But the great mystery of God’s name and religious affiliation remained unanswered. Whilst I was devout in my personal relationship with Him, I simply knew Him as the God of Love.

Long story short, eighteen months after this three-night encounter, two weeks after I was married, I identified Jesus as my living God, much to my surprise, and declared Him as the one who had saved me. I was baptised at the beach, and then started attending a local Christian church, which I have continued to do for 26 years (four different churches in that time). In church I was introduced to His living voice through the Christian Bible, a much faster means of hearing His voice than discerning His spirit alone.

With hindsight and the use of the Bible, I now realise I was given the gift of spiritual discernment on that first night, changing my view of the world forever. Note that spiritual gifts are most effective when saturated in prayer, supported by extensive Bible knowledge and used in a team.

God has not appeared to me quite so vividly since, but He doesn’t have to: He made His point clear over those three nights. At that time I was on the final step before the backdoor of life, so He needed to be loud and clear for me to pay attention and take His hand. He opened my eyes to the truth of His existence, the sovereignty of His authority, the depth of His love, and the power of His grace and forgiveness to transform a life in an instant.

Twenty-six years later, He remains with me, He leads me by His grace, loving me despite my brokenness, forgiving my imperfections and mistakes, allowing me to be part of His family despite my social difficulties, and revealing His truth to me, often leaving me awestruck and speechless.

The healing and knowledge that God gifted me over those first three nights, and since, is not possible, except through His power, grace, authority, and love.  I do not deserve any of it, but Jesus saw my worth when no one else would.  I am not special or different to anyone else. It is our worth in God that makes each of us special, and He loves each of us BIG time.  

God is alive, brothers and sisters, and He sustains all life. He calls His children where we are at.  

Have you reached the end of your search for God? Have you given Him up as fiction?

Do you believe in God’s comfort, but think your problems or disorders are too big for God or of little interest to Him?

Do you believe the powerful and merciful God of miracles that the Bible speaks of was only for Biblical times past?

Have you never considered His existence, like I was?

Our belief in God does not alter His existence, it just changes our ability to see and listen to Him.

Can you humbly seek God more? He loves you so much. Can you forgive yourself and others, for we are all trying to work our lives out as best we can. Can we all seek less religion and rules, and more relationship with God and one another? Can we sew more financial generosity and accumulate less personal wealth? Can we be more kind? Can we allow God’s truth to transform our hearts and minds, putting aside what we think we know, and replacing it with God’s timeless knowledge and wisdom?

Let’s pray

Matthew 6:9-13

Our Father in heaven, may your name be kept holy.

Let your Kingdom come, let your will be done on earth as it is in heaven.

Give us today our daily bread.

Forgive us our debts, as we also forgive our debtors.

Bring us not into temptation, but deliver us from the evil one.

For yours is the Kingdom, the power, and the glory forever. Amen.

Or another prayer.

Lord, please help me. You love and know best. Amen